7 Lessons from Awesome Mothers

7 lessons from awesome mothers

I recently met with a bunch of amazing women. All strong, kind, gentle beings. All of them changing the world. Some of them were pregnant, some had grown kids, some teenagers and some were just in the middle of it. I asked them what is the one advice they could offer.

Here are some of the wisest words as lessons from awesome mothers:

1. Let them fail

Allowing our kids to experience setbacks from an early age is probably the best thing we can do to contribute to their growth.
Our natural reaction is to step in and fix things so we don’t see our kids suffering. That’s kind and intuitive for a good mother, however, we are creating for them an unrealistic world in which the loving adult always steps up to solve something or create a more settled environment.
Failure is inevitable and allowing uncomfortable feelings to occur while we are still the main figure in our children’s lives will permit us to model the dialogue and behavior we wish they would embrace. If they only start experiencing this in their teen or pre-teen years when the central stage in their life is occupied by friends with different beliefs and limited life experience, well, then they will truly be on their own.

2. Allow others to help

It’s all right, I can do it!, Thanks, I don’t need any help!, I’ve got this! and I can manage! are part of our everyday mother vocabulary.
We feel the need to prove we are perfectly capable of juggling every single aspect of our very complex lives. ON OUR OWN.
We take more than we can carry and we continuously want to prove that it is possible to do it all. Only we can’t. Or we can, but it’s hard. Really hard. Then we embrace it as the new normal, cause motherhood is supposed to be hard. There are no easy life-transforming experiences, right?
Well, many of our “tasks” can become easier if we can only give ourselves permission to allow others to step in and help. Yes, adjustments might need to be made, but life can and should be easier.

3. Love thy partner

Having children is probably the biggest strain on a romantic relationship. The picture of the central stage changes from one person’s interesting character who LIKES us to a tiny human who NEEDS us. We are bonded by blood, not only by choice. They are helpless without us, so we offer more time-abandonment-unconditionality.
Transitions are hard and time in a day is limited, so the main character is suddenly demoted to support staff. That’s really a rough trip to be going through. The relationship must be redefined and identities must be reframed. Let’s help our partners during this by loving them and reminding them every day that they are important to us, we love them still and no matter what, we still find them hot.

4. Look them in the eye

I’ve recently had a mind-blowing soul cracking experience, when for 2 entire minutes, I looked in the eye a complete stranger.
This has taught me many things about how much we can say without actually saying anything, but mostly it reminded me of the importance to be seen.
How much did we crave individual undivided attention as kids?
How deeply we wanted to be seen?
We don’t need to reveal any deep secrets or life lessons. We don’t even need to talk at all. We just need to look our children in their eyes. See them for who they are. Accept them for who they are becoming. Love them without words.

5. Allow emotion

Unconditional love is something we all strive to offer our kids. That truly means acceptance of all of their choices, the feelings and personality that emerges from them.
They will go through, let’s call them phases, when the way they choose to express how they feel will be unpleasant, violent, loud and extremely uncomfortable for us.
Crying, tantrums, biting, hitting, banging doors, telling us we are mean mothers. During these hard times, just repeat to yourself this is not about me. Don’t take it personally, don’t shrink, don’t swell. Just be and allow them to express in whatever way they see appropriate while respecting your own boundaries. Only after the storm has passed, you can start fixing.

6. Talk about sex

Sexual abuse makes our skin curl. We don’t want to acknowledge such broken people exist, we get angry and disgusted. That is not going to help protect our children.
Talking about sex from an early age is the only way we can make them aware of what’s ok and what’s not ok.
We can teach them to correctly name their body parts – not peepee or woohoo.
We can discuss who can touch them, where, how and why.
We can teach them to establish their boundaries and we will be the first ones to respect them.
We can discuss shame, how that feels in their body and their soul and what can they do about it.
We should always remind them of our unconditional love.

7. Schedule the fun

Just as we have calendars to help us track the chores, deadlines, and assignments, we need to make space and enjoy each other and our life.
When will we play together?
When will we be doing something we all perceive as fun?
Allow laughter to be part of our life.
Permit silly times and down times.

The one that most powerfully changed my perspective was the importance of actually looking my children in the eye and asking them to do the same. Being seen as who we truly are is something we all strive to feel.

Which one of these lessons most resonated with you?


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7 Lessons from Awesome Mothers 

Some of the wisest words as lessons from awesome mothers 

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4 Comments

  • Sid

    Reply Reply September 3, 2016

    I really need to do more of number 1. It’s so hard to see them suffer though.

  • Deborah

    Reply Reply December 15, 2016

    Number 5, changed my world as you know. Allowing my girls to feel completely the emotion raging inside them has made them more balanced and more willing to tell me everything.
    They have leant that I won’t judge and I won’t try and fix or change the emotion unless they want me too.
    Which has changed the conversations we now have, I have a better knowledge of their soul and what makes them tick. I also now no longer need to lose my Sh&t when my child is heart breakingly sobbing in her bed after I ruined her life for pouring too much milk in her hot chocolate instead of hot water!

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