When You’re in the Dark

When you're in the dark

Dear friend,

You and I don’t get to talk. But actually, I know you very well. You are me, and I am you.

Listen, I know it’s hard. I know you’re close to your limit. I know this because I’ve been there. It was at my fingertips, and I stayed in front of that line for the longest time. I got stuck there, and every time I tried to restart, I battled the same demons. Like one of the really old PC games. Do you remember those? With the little man on the brick wall trying to jump over obstacles? I kept on falling in the same points. I smacked my forehead on the same walls. There was only one way: I had to cross the line. I could repeat the circuit and hope to end in a different place, with a better outcome. Instead, I embraced my mediocre results and took the leap to cross the end line. I then found myself in another place. This time it is a labyrinth. I don’t know what’s around the corner, but the ground is always firm. But before I tell you about this one, know this…

I see you struggling to be different, to be better, to change what you say, what you do and even what you think. You experiment with trying to get close and create intimacy. It’s working at first, but then it doesn’t. Then you move away, hoping that the distance will rekindle the spark of kindness and togetherness. That works for a while. But then it doesn’t. It always comes back to the same: bitterness. You always say the wrong thing and never do the right thing. It’s “always” and “never” that are the new definitions. Always bad, never good.

Now I need to tell you something very painful. Things will not get better. You can’t win this one, no matter how many times you go back and try harder. That’s because this is not your game.
I know you’re saying “but only if I…”

There is nothing you can do.

Sit with this. Cry. Mourn the life you hoped to have. This is hard…

Listen, now I want to tell you the most important thing. You’re now in the middle of it, with a broken heart and bloody knees, doubting everything, but know this:

You are good.

This is not your fault. This is not about you. You haven’t done anything wrong, and even if there are things you could have done better, this all is NOT a result of something that you’ve done or the person you are. This has nothing to do with you. You’re in it, but you’re not in control. The only thing you can ever tame is your own heart. And you can only fully do it when you believe with every single cell in your body that you are good and you are worthy of love.

It’s the truth, but you spent too many years not listening to it. And in fact, this is why you can’t understand this game. Most people don’t know they’re good and deserving to be loved and that’s why they are doing this. It’s their hurt. You are not the one who caused it. You are also not the one who can fix it. You tried, I know you did. It’s just not working like this.

Cross that line. Forgive them for not being able to see they are lovable. Forgive yourself for not seeing it earlier. Believe in your goodness. Hope that the other will also learn this one day. But also be ok if they don’t.

Stay in your labyrinth in full conviction that you are good and you are lovable. None of these can ever be taken away from you. You are solid on a ground of goodness and love.

I know it’s hard. Your heart starts breaking softly. But inside, there is only light.

You know who needs to hear this...

When You're in the Dark

Sit with this. Cry. Mourn the life you hoped to have. This is hard. But know this...
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  • yahaira michelle

    Reply Reply May 22, 2017

    Thank you for this message Talida, It really reached me and thank you again ” I am GOOD”

    • Talida

      Reply Reply May 23, 2017

      It’s so easy to forget it, isn’t it?
      Thank you for reaching out Yahaira.

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