Write Your Own Birth Story

Write your own birth story

Very few of us get to experience the birth of our baby exactly how we imagined we would have it.
High expectations, anticipation, and preconceptions are present in each one of us, modern women connected to the internet and reading blogs about other people’s birth stories.
And while I deeply believe that any shared experience is an enrichment of our lives, this particular part hasn’t served me too well.
In the last trimester of pregnancy with my first daughter, reading birth stories, watching birth videos and binge-reading pregnancy books were my default response to cope with the increasing nervousness I felt as the due date approached. And I took with me a little bit of the experience, doubts, concerns, expectations, and anxiety of every story I read, as I embarked on this journey of bringing my baby out into the world.
I will not share my birth story here, but looking back, to the exact day when I went in labor more than 5 years ago, this is what I would have told myself:

Hi, beautiful!

Today is the day!
Listen, this is going to be one of those days you look back to and mark in your life as THE DAY when everything changed.
 
I know you’re SO scared of the pain.
 
I know you’re scared you’re gonna push that baby out, and then poop is going to come out as well and fall on the floor, and the doctors, midwives, and nurses will judge you because you might be the first women that happened to.
 
I know you’re scared of the needles that might pierce your skin and stay inside your body, pouring in drugs that will do things you don’t know or understand.
 
I know you’re not even fully aware of how many people will look and feel inside your vagina.
 
None of it will feel “right.”.
 
Listen, things are not going to happen as you imagine they will.
Some things will be better, and others will be worse, but NOTHING will happen as you hope it will. Because if it does, all you do is show up like you rehearsed in your mind and stay where you are. To be granted access to the next level, you must burn every illusion and expectation of how life is supposed to take you through this experience.
This, my beautiful woman, is a freakin’ transformation! And it’s yours!
It’s going to be hard, but listen,

Don’t worry about other people!
The pain you will see on your husband’s face is only the helplessness of not being an active part in helping you bring this baby into the world. Don’t think that if he sees your baby being born his passion and desire to ever have sex (with you) will die. Passion is an ever-changing fire. It is like a Phoenix, and it will be reborn in another shape. Being stressed about him is not your responsibility! He is entitled to a transformative experience, just like yours. Don’t try to shield him from it or try to alter it. It’s not your job!

Don’t worry about the poop. It may or may not come out. The doctors, midwives, and nurses will be gracious and not even bring it up. Only you are thinking about it. But if that’s your mantra and helps you cope, go ahead and use it.
Thinking about the staff in the hospital and how they might perceive YOUR birth is not your job!

Nobody can feel what you feel. They might have seen it thousands of times, and they might have done it themselves, read about it or watched numerous YouTube videos of other women doing this in various places and at various intensities. That’s not you! You are going through it and nobody else! When you have a chance between those contractions, close your eyes and just FEEL what is happening inside your body.

The baby is doing her part of coming into the world. This is her journey! Don’t doubt that she has to go through this. Whichever way it will be happening, she is doing her best. And you are doing your best. But the outcome is not something you can control or change. If there was ever a contest, you already won because you showed up and had the courage to create life.
 
What happens today can be the greatest success of your life or the biggest failure. You decide. Nobody else!
 
Don’t hold your breath! Don’t hold your fear! Don’t hold your words! Don’t hold anything inside!

Today is the day your daughter will be born. And also the day when you are born a new woman.

Whichever way this baby will come into the world, you are not a failure! She is not a failure! You are both miracles and everything that happens today is magic.

 

Today is going to be hard, but YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!

 

PS You are not fat! You are gorgeous, and those ankles are still awesome and delicate, but just temporarily filled with water your baby needs to SURVIVE! That fucker who said you have “canckles!” is a loser.
PPS I love you!
PPPS Everything today is happening FOR you and not TO you!

This is an excerpt from “Manual for Motherhood.” Pre-order it now.

 

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